Have you had the feeling that nobody cares and that your life has no meaning and purpose? Have you felt this void in you, full of aching and longing, thirsty for unconditional love and belonging, for something stable and secure?
I felt this way in my teens. Living in an atmosphere of fear because of the abusive behavior of my father, I sank deeper into a pit of depression, self-doubt, and suicidal thoughts. By this time, I had already discovered the huge discrepancy between what I wanted to be and what I was, and my absolute inability to change my condition. I was terrified and ashamed of certain thoughts and actions that I was not able to change. I wanted to be good, but I couldn’t. I wanted to love, but I couldn’t. A hurricane of resentment, offense, hatred, and anger raged within me, and I could not control it.
In utter desperation, I cried out to the universe and placed an ultimatum. “God, if you exist, I challenge you to show yourself to me. Otherwise, there is no reason for me to live anymore.”
I was looking for a way, a truth, and life. I was looking everywhere for that, hungry for something more than the eyes meet, reading books about all possible religions—if only I could touch the truth and fill the void.
The country I lived in was still a communist state at that time, and my family was not religious. The only exception was my grandmother. Sometimes, when I was a child, she would give me a small, shabby book for me to read a bit. I could not understand what I was reading, but I had a favorite part at the end of the book. Whenever I read these last chapters, my heart began to beat faster with excitement and desire. I cried in my need for Somebody who “will wipe every tear” from my eyes, and for a time when “there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
In my most desperate time, God found me. In a series of coincidences and divine encounters and conversations with people who knew Jesus, I heard the Gospel for the first time and experienced a dramatic encounter with God and His love. The truth that I have a heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally and who will never abuse me and control me, but instead support and encourage me till the end, was a fountain of life to me. It pulled me back from the edge of the pit I was about to throw myself into and gave me meaning and a reason to live. But this was just the beginning.
I have found “the Way, the Truth, and the Life” (John 14:6).
The Way is the way of faith. Since the day of my salvation, I am learning how to live by faith day by day, hour by hour. For me, living by faith means remembering God in my everyday struggles and joys, and doing life together with Him. I train my mind and heart to believe what His word says, allowing His truths and His Spirit to change me from inside out. When I struggle with guilt, I remember I am forgiven. When the waves of anxiety rise in me, I remember He has given me His peace, and that He cares for me. When I am in pain, I remember He is my comforter. I am learning to see a higher reality with my spiritual eyes.
The Truth is that I and Jesus can overcome everything—from the everyday frustrations and worries, to life-altering losses and traumas. Through Christ, with God’s wisdom and power, I have access to God’s unlimited resources and provision. He is the Way-Maker, Waves-Subduer, Miracle-Maker, and the Lifter of my head. Nothing can separate me from His love. He makes me an overcomer. The more I overcome things with God, things I fear and want to avoid, the more mature I become, and the character of Christ can be fully displayed in me.
The Life is the abundant, eternal life that I have been longing for. The eternal life that God offers to everyone through His Son is much greater than any human concept and imagination of self-realization. This is the life every human being is made for—knowing without any doubt who I am, where I belong, where I am coming from and where I am going to. This is a life of repeated surrender—of my desires, plans, dreams, expectations, exchanging them for God’s perfect and higher plans and purposes. I am learning to lose control and my ideas of safety, comfort, and predictability, so I can embrace freedom and exceeding joy.
My new life of faith means that every day has a meaning and purpose for me. Even the painful things, my suffering, and tears—nothing is in vain and everything serves a purpose. All details of my life are part of my transformation and preparation to come home. God is shaping me into “a tree of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor” (Isaiah 61:3).
The life of faith is the greatest adventure. When we say yes to God’s invitation and decide to take the risk of trusting Him, the adventure begins. Faith is the ticket that allows us to take part and find the hidden treasure. Are you ready to embark on it?
Hadassah Treu is a Christian bilingual award-winning blogger, author, and poet, living in Bulgaria, Europe. Hadassah is passionate to encourage people through her blog onthewaybg.com to stand firm in faith and learn to know and love God. She loves diving deeper into the Word of God and finding hidden treasures.