My name is Luna, and I have always believed in God. But I did not start building a personal relationship with Him until last year after my best friend died suddenly and violently while under the influence of alcohol.
Emily was my best friend for nearly a decade—we met when we were fourteen and lined up in alphabetical order in the same taekwondo class. Because I was young and stupid, I thought she was a weirdo because she had green hair and I had never met anyone who dyed their hair green before. But since we were next to each other in class, we started talking every day and quickly discovered we had a lot in common, like our love of music, movies, and writing, as well as our liberal politics, passion for social justice, and struggles with anxiety and depression.
We hung out all the time after that. Pretty soon, you wouldn’t see one of us without the other during lunch or free period. She made me laugh so hard that I regularly had to hit my inhaler when I was around her, because she just knocked the wind out of me. Knowing her was one of the greatest blessings of my life. Even when we went to college in different states, we still texted pretty much every day, and in the summers when we were home, we hung out every week, often for three days in a row.
She was one of my platonic soulmates in life, and losing her was so devastating it nearly killed me.
Before she died, I drank on the weekends like many college students, but even though I never drank during the week, I was still unknowingly dependent on that weekend partying. For three months after Emily died, my drinking got out of control and I started drinking every day to numb the pain of the grief. It was only in December 2023 when I decided to get sober, that I started to feel life was worth living again. And that was also when I started praying again, building a personal relationship with God and Christ, and reading the Bible.
At first, I thought I was beyond God’s help, that He couldn’t help me because I was too depressed and addicted to be helped. But then I got through two weeks without alcohol. Then one month. Two. Three. Four. I prayed every night before I went to sleep, read the Bible every night before I fell asleep (I have gotten through Genesis, Psalms, and Proverbs), and started going to a progressive church on Sundays. Trusting in God’s plan for me and relying on a higher power who loves me, gives me peace, gives me the strength to survive this devastating loss, and keeps me sober.
The longer I go without alcohol, the more I am disgusted by it, especially because it played a role in my friend’s death. I went from seeing alcohol as a harmless party drug to my number one enemy. Even when the grief is especially hard, when the cravings for alcohol are especially strong, I know I can make it through to the other side because I have God. Prayer brings me more peace than drinking ever did. God pulled me out of one of the darkest moments in my life and completely turned my life around.
Over a year after Emily’s death, I have two books (a novel and a poetry collection) scheduled for publication in 2025, multiple publications in literary journals, long-term sobriety, physical fitness, better mental health, better sleep, better relationships, money saved, and hope for my future. It is my faith in Christ that allows me to experience peace, happiness, sobriety, and another day. While I am still incredibly shattered and devastated by Emily’s death, I know I will be okay because I have God on my side.
Luna Moore Latorre is a writer of poetry and fiction living in Southern California. Her first two books, a novel and a poetry collection, are scheduled for publication and distribution in 2025 through Library Tales/Simon & Schuster and The Poetry Box. Her short stories and poems have been published in Literally Stories, Eunoia Review, and Yellow Arrow Journal. When she is not writing, Luna loves reading, dancing, hiking, swimming, and being with her cat, Da Vinci. She is 24 years old.
Heart of Flesh Literary Journal 