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POETRY

On Becoming a Better Man

“On Becoming a Better Man” read by Richard A. Decker.

I: Refocused

I tend to write rain checks that bounce but I decide to put myself out there by brushing shoulders and making the best of a get-together.

I bring cheddar sour cream chips and a case of Coke ‘cause I want to somehow break the bad habits from my upbringing and somehow show them that I know how to be polite even though the host said she should be good on snacks.

I want to show them that I can take care of myself — that I’m my own man.

I get to the introductions and small talk that can sometimes make me wince because I just seem to know but can’t know for sure that most people can’t stand what I do for a living. I get defensive like I tend to do and get obnoxious like I tend to do and I even mention how I tend to struggle relating to Christians even as a Christian.

I put all my flaws up front — like I tend to do.

I give my view on being an English teacher and how it’s different from what they probably think and how I went to college like the grown-ups told me to so I can have a better life than them. I talk to a guy who has a real good STEM job and to his buddy who works a real good labor job and try to relate and do relate in some ways until they seemingly suggest that in some ways the humanities are not that important. I listen because I want to be polite because they might be right.

I drank too much coffee and end up taking a bathroom break —

Above the sink
on the mirror a sticky note reads,
“Focus on your relationship with God.”

 

II: Redirected

I brush shoulders
put myself out there
at round tables
drinking coffee
with men from all around —

different backgrounds
different jobs.

Laborers
realters
engineers
psychologists
teachers —

we’re all here
in need of a fresh start.

We admit
our struggles
our fears
our weaknesses
our strengths —

we’re all the same
in our differences.

We laugh like children
at immature jokes
We choke up like babies
listening to tough testimonies
We are redirected —

walking with Peter through his denial
and his redemption.

We see it all
in our marriages
in our singleness
in ourselves
we give it all to the Lord —

we sing in worship
as I keep tempo on the cajon.

 

III: Affirmed

At the bible study sitting by the fire kindling,
we read Scripture aloud.

We mention how it’s good that the church gives us time each Sunday for silent confession,
where we can put all our flaws up front — with God, like we’re supposed to.

We talk about the need to talk better with people we disagree with,
and I apologetically mention Alyosha’s response to Ivan from The Brothers Karamazov.

It’s surprisingly well received ‘cause the host has read it before,
and the group seems to see how it connects back to Scripture.

And we drink coffee,
and I take a bathroom break —

On the wall I see
framed stained-glass art that reads,
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.”

… my newfound focus affirmed.

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Richard A. Decker is interested in how literature reveals God’s truth, and his writing has appeared in Ekstasis, Oak Grove Review, Immersed: A Journal of Faith, Arts, and Letters, MoralApologetics, Christ and Pop Culture, and elsewhere. He is a Ph.D. candidate in Literature and Criticism at Indiana University of Pennsylvania.

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Image by Linnaea Mallette, Public domain. Modified by Veronica McDonald.